Category Archives: Oregon

Backyard Upgrade

Finally covered our backyard with walk on bark from Lane Forest Products.  Boy were these guys enjoying themselves this afternoon!   DSC_0183.JPG

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Getting their play on!

Crazy action going on here.

Crazy action going on here.

What's that smell?

What’s that smell?

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Ready to play ball.

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Joy

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Here’s looking at you Mom!

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Tired Dog Ranch

Today my in laws stopped by for an impromptu visit and asked if I’d like to join them to check out the Tired Dog Ranch as a possible camping option this coming summer.  Just under 40 miles from my home in West Fir, this was a fun adventure!  My sister in law does a horse/dog camping event every summer and our thought is that this place might work for that.  It has a yurt, cottage, cabin, and lots of space for camping.  DSC_0166

The woman who lives here said they’ve had several weddings here as well.  DSC_0165

The colorful building here is the cottage, next to the house.  DSC_0164

This building here is the cabin and that road leads to one large grassy area with a large space for a bonfire and camping and space for horses.  DSC_0161


Monday

Hi Monday, how are you?  I scheduled the day off today from working at the hospital as part of my self care plan and somehow a cold decided to follow me.  It has been trying to make friends for a couple of weeks and Friday finally got ahold of me.  I’ve been going through a lot so I’ve actually been surprised it hadn’t caught up to me sooner.  So what did I do today?  I slept in.  I played with my dogs outside and enjoyed watching them watch the squirrels scamper up the trees.  I came back inside and did laundry and dishes and then decided to rest again.  Then I decided to go drop some donations off and would see where the drive would take me before my acupuncture appointment.  I had a great lunch watching people and looking at the gorgeous fall colors.  Enjoyed some sushi and thought of the family I used to nanny in Pittsburgh because that’s where I first tried and fell in love with sushi.  And I listened to one of them most fascinating conversations, likely fascinating because by the looks of these two men I never would have guess the words that would fall out of their mouths.  They talked of transference, addiction, and being addicted to the unhealthy mindset.  Right up this counselor’s alley.  And I looked around me and imagined all the lives and hearts of those around me, not really knowing anyone and yet totally comfortable with this fact.

So Monday, thank you for helping take care of me.  I’m watching, I’m listening.

Love these Fall days.

Love these Fall days.


Halloween with Wonder Woman & Word Girl

Had a great trip north to visit some of the cousins and my Aunt Gayle yesterday and today.  Had the pleasure of getting totally drenched in rainy Oregon with Wonder Woman and Word Girl last night trick or treating.  It was good to be with family and enjoy the dress up/candy excitement of the little ones.  These two still seem to be contemplating the fact that I am the same age as their father (still asking, are you a kid or an adolescent?).  I am happy to know they sense my young heart.

Wonder Woman, Pink Cow Girl AKA Pinkie, & Word Girl Photo taken by Micah Sheller

Wonder Woman, Pink Cow Girl AKA Pinkie, & Word Girl
Photo taken by Micah Sheller


Re-entry

Yesterday I started back to work.  By midday I was conflicted because I was so enjoying the training but I was also feeling extreme fatigue from the lack of sleeping the night before.  I was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach and as the afternoon progressed I realized I had some control over what was next.  Decided to cancel my teeth cleaning, that just was not important today.  Visited one of my dearest friends and saw a couple other colleagues, got hugs and empathy.  And headed home for a much needed nap.

Woke up refreshed and ready for my first private practice session since 10/10/15, the day after I found out my Uncle was admitted on hospice.  By evening I felt strong.  I took another hour nap and then was able to write like I’d wanted to write the last couple of days.  Not to say I haven’t been writing but I’m trying to document my last hours with Uncle Hal and from that come up with a message for Sunday, titled Living Between Life and Death.  I’m happy to see my subconscious has been doing a lot of this writing and I got into the flow last night.

Today I am back at Riverbend Hospital and on the floor with my MSW student.  To think, I was a brand new MSW student in October 2010.  We also have a site visit with the field liaison today.  I also have one private practice client after work at the hospital.  This morning I must draw strength from within.  It is going to be okay.  I am going to be okay.

Heron Park in Springfield, Oregon

Heron Park in Springfield, Oregon


Concentration

IMGP4677Last night I prepared for a successful night’s sleep with both of us needing to wake up early and me needing to re-enter my work world after three days of bereavement.  I fell fast asleep but at one point woke with extreme sadness, tears rolling.  At another point I woke up in night sweats and complete thirst so I went to get water to find one dog needs to pee and the other throws up.  How did they know I would be up and they would need me?  I was (and am) so tired but I felt (and still feel) like writing.  I actually started this post however after a blessed bump of a key and the whole thing erased…decided sleep was more important at that point.  Here I am now at 4am up because the youngest dog would not stop crying for his dad.

I had prepared for success and thought it impossible I wouldn’t sleep after my second night of a$$ kicking indoor soccer.  No, we did not win but the sport really does a girl in.  My whole body aches, feels good really to push it this hard.  There’s a dear friend of mine Christina I’ve been writing back and forth with since her terminal cancer diagnosis (firstly why CANCER WHY?) (secondly -keep hoping the miracle of a cure will come her way, then I realize the miracle is right before our eyes – it is her) (thirdly – click on her name and follow her story if you are so inspired).  I sent her an IM the other day describing my waves of grieve and she gave me this imagery:

Yes, waves, flowing in and out. The imagery that comes to me is standing in the ocean and enjoying the beauty of the majestic sea only to be knocked down- a bit surprised and unsettled. Then rising again to find your footing and resuming the laughter and enjoying the sea, then it comes again, that wave to big to manage and knocks us down yet again. Memories of the good times will continue to flood your thoughts, so too will the images of the end of life- the loss, that emptiness that suddenly appears in our heart. It is good to grieve- with our end goal to get to the gentle place where we celebrate the gift of having our beloved ones join us in this journey, if for only a season, more than we mourn the loss. You see their imprint is left forever in the way we see and do life- this is how they live on forever, through you. Or perhaps a slightly irreverent physical experience as an example, I get to enjoy each day are the extreme shifts between intense and often unbearable hot-flashes/night sweats. One moment I have some mental and physical footing only to be brought to my knees and filled with uncontrollable events that are happening to me. I then recover, from the waves of sweating, panic, frustration, and helplessness and find my footing again. Oh I how wish that this lifetime protected us from suffering, loss, and pain. But it does not. We are therefore left to find the beauty in each moment-in the suffering, the loss, and the pain. It is there. We must look hard sometimes to find it. Let the tears flow as they rise. Allow joy and memories of the joy blanket your entire being. I too am thinking of you. 💕

How is it that I am allowed the gift of giving and receiving from her?  Which is how I came to find the photo above from a trip to Newport, OR…some time ago.  But I can feel the waves, smell the salt…and feel the grounding.  Part of today’s horoscope:  Keeping your current inspiration alive is the key to your soul’s satisfaction.


Happy Hailing Easter

I got to weed the rose garden in the sun and then the rain came, thunder, lightening, more rain and hail!  Quite the weather-full day!  DSC_0091